tell me i'm special
full moon almanac (june zine of the month)
One of my most un-original feelings is (ironically) the desire to be special, to feel special, to be somehow memorable — not in a famous kind of way, but memorable to specific people, the kind of remembering that is perhaps a little bittersweet, a little melancholy.
I spent a good chunk of my teens and twenties wanting to press my hands against the chests of everyone around me, wanting to leave my fingerprints on their hearts. This was before we’d starting calling such girls “manic pixie dream girls,” or had even heard the “pick me, choose me” speech. I was trying to assemble an idea of what it meant to be loved.
Something I did in those years (say, ages 19-22) was send a monthly text message on the full moon. I sent it out to a wide group of friends — a quote from a poem that mentioned the moon, or just a reminder that I was looking up at the sky and thinking of them.
I wanted, with those text messages, to tether myself not only to my friends but to the moon itself, to something that would keep us connected even as time and distance moved us apart. I had a romantic notion that, even years after we’d stopped talking, they might see the full moon and remember me.1
I wanted to be special.
I haven’t outgrown my love of the moon, of marking time in cycles, of taking moments to make this here, this now, special somehow.
(and perhaps I haven’t outgrown my desire to be remembered when you look at the moon, cringe as that is!)
The June Zine of the Month is a full moon almanac for June through December, with reminders of the dates and prompts to pause and record what’s happening when each full moon comes to visit. It’s another one-page, b&w zine, best printed at 100% (so the lines line up with the folds!).
I’m hoping you can use it to build your own full moon routines and rituals, your own way of making meaning out of time.
Other than mooning about, I’ve been busy at the library (over 150 teen volunteers this summer!), reading pass pages for Homebound (which looks more and more like a real book every day!), run/walking my way through Couch to 5k (again), and dreaming of sewing projects.
Tell me how you are, what your formative shows/movies/books were, what your favorite memory of the moon is —
love,
p
Please see media constellation above for at least a partial explanation of where this ridiculous, self-mythologizing came from!
Oh, the Motorola Razr! :-)You ARE special!